


Is He Worth It?

by PlayerOneMell



Category: Be More Chill
Genre: Fluff, Insecurities, Jeremy and Michael take home ec, Love, M/M, Relationship Advice, christine tries, faults, first 'i love you', not enough
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-27
Updated: 2018-03-27
Packaged: 2019-04-08 18:10:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14111103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PlayerOneMell/pseuds/PlayerOneMell
Summary: Michael tries not to get self conscious but as months go on Michael finds it harder and harder to not hate himself. Wondering if him and Jeremy are okay. At times he gets bad, and eventually he comes to crying. Jeremy notices something's off but can tell Michael doesn't want to be pushed.Michael finds himself in a school bathroom alone one day doubting himself. He walks out with tears stained on his face when he catches the eyes of one his new friends. He's not close with her, but she's concerned."Jeremy knows."





	Is He Worth It?

Michael and Jeremy are both self conscious in their own way and it carries over into their relationship. However, they seem to have their cute moments anyways. It's visible in everything they do. Even when they're feet apart. Everyone can see it. Except Michael. He doesn't let his insecurities bother him while Jeremy and him work together in home economics. 

“Michael, you need to be careful!” Jeremy says pulling cupcakes out of an oven.   
“Okay, look did we burn anything?” Michael asks. “No! And we actually baked them fully.”

Jeremy smiles seeing how proud Michael is of them for not messing up for once. Michael paints frosting on Jeremy's face with his pointer finger. 

“Michael!”   
“Let loose! Have some fun.” Michael laughs.   
“Okay.” Jeremy laughs. 

The boys cover each other other in frosting which ends up to leaving them to wash it off in the bathroom. Michael’s thankful Jeremy isn't wearing his cardigan because he would've hated to ruin it. Jeremy's wearing his cat t-shirt. 

“You're such a comedian, Michael.”   
“Sorry, Jeremy.”  
“Don't be sorry, it's fun.”

Michael tries not to get self conscious but as months go on Michael finds it harder and harder to not hate himself. Wondering if him and Jeremy are okay. At times he gets bad, and eventually he comes to crying. Jeremy notices something's off but can tell Michael doesn't want to be pushed. 

Michael finds himself in a school bathroom alone one day doubting himself. He walks out with tears stained on his face when he catches the eyes of one his new friends. He's not close with her, but she's concerned. 

“Michael?” The voice asks. “Are you all right?”

Michael looks up and sees Jeremy's former love interest, Christine Canigula. Christine grabs Michael’s wrist and pulls him into an empty rehearsal room. The place Jeremy first got the guts up to talk to Christine. Jeremy was so in love with Christine. Why does he love Michael?

“Michael what is going on with you? You've been really down lately! Not bopping through the hallways like you used to!”  
“Things change Christine we can't all be a little ball of optimism all the time like you!”  
“Michael! Don't be so vague, communication is key! That's what romance novels say!” 

Michael tries to turn around but Christine grabs his forearm and Michael faces her. He watches the light in Christine’s eyes die. He gives a weak smile and a scoff. 

“Jeremy knows.”  
“What?”   
“He knows there's something wrong. He's scared to ask.” Christine says lightly.   
“So why should I talk to you about it?” Michael's hands are shaking.   
“So I can tell Jeremy? So your thoughts don't trap you anymore! So you don't build yourself a bathroom inside your mind? You think I'm all sunshine and rainbows Michael Mell but I know things!”

Michael's heart stops and his muscles tense. Jeremy and Christine only dated a few weeks, but Michael must assume Jeremy told Christine things. He doesn't like that someone who isn't Jeremy knows about his life. 

“How do you know about that?”  
“Jenna gossips! She's the one who knocked on the door and you responded with-”  
“I'm having my period…yeah, no, I remember.” Michael cuts off Christine. “What do you want me to-”  
“You were crying there's something wrong.”  
“I'm fine.”   
“There's something more there Michael.”  
“I'm fine.”  
“Are you really?”   
“I'm fine.”  
“Michael. Tell me what's going on!”

Michael holds his tongue. Christine isn't going to drop this, that's clear. Michael doesn't want to have a breakdown in front of Christine, but he can't hold back. He restrains his tears but let's his thoughts slide. 

“What if I'm not good enough for him?”  
“Jeremy?”  
“Yeah.”   
“Michael, you make him happy. You're good enough for him and more! He's said it to you himself. You should hear the way he talks about you.”   
“What are you-”  
“Michael what makes you think you're not good enough for him?” Christine cuts Michael off. 

Michael knows the answer to that question. He's thought about it for a very long time. Jeremy deserves the absolute best and what if that's not Michael? Jeremy's eyes would light up like a switchboard when he would talk about Christine. Jeremy loved Christine. What if Michael is just second best? Just left over? Nothing Jeremy wants at all? Just someone Jeremy pities.

“The way he looked at you…he talked about you. He loved you Christine!”  
“He was in love with the idea of being in a relationship.”  
“Oh, really?”   
“Yes! He loves you Michael.”  
“You weren't there Christine! The way he looked at you! He was so nervous.” The emotions bubble inside of Michael's ribcage.   
“He didn't love me!”  
“The hell he did!” Michael's emotions building.  
“No he didn't…and you know it deep inside you. He was in love with having a relationship!”  
“Then how do we know that's not what's happening now?”  
“HE LOVES YOU MICHAEL MELL!” Christine shouts sweetly.  
“How do you know that?” Michael growls. 

Christine thinks about it. How does she know? Well, it's simple. Christine and Jeremy will talk a lot despite their breakup. The breakup was mutual considering they discovered they both liked someone else. 

“You haven't seen the way he looks at you when you're doing something else Michael. The way his eyes twinkle and shine like he's just seen the most beautiful thing ever. A spark every time he sees you smile or laugh or just genuinely feel joy! Or the way he finds an excuse just to touch your hand or thigh. He's so comfortable and happy with you. He doesn't care about anything else but you.” 

Michael's breath hitches and tears pour out of him. Christine looks concerned worried she's triggered a panic attack. Michael's tears are of pure joy. 

“Really?” He sits down. “Really?”  
“Yes. He'd do anything for you. He's traded so many assignment topics with the rest of the group so you guys can work on the same one together. The way he drops everything when you text him? When he's panicking at a Party and you come to the rescue. There's something inside of Jeremy that's happy through it all.”   
“How do you know all of this?”

Christine sighs and sits down next to Michael facing him. Michael's never seen Christine so calm and cool and collected. She's being very serious, and something about all of what Christine is saying seems true.

“He talks about you. His eyes light up like a little kid at Christmas! Well, Chanukah in his case! When he holds your hand he gets excited and his muscles tense up and when he feels your thumb stroke against his? He loosens up cause he knows he's safe. When he sees you jamming to Marley, his heart melts. The way he described your first kiss? Sweet and tender. Soft yet rough all at once. Like…the past thirteen years of friendship led to that moment. That it was so pure but if a butterfly flapped its wing in the second of that moment? The world would shift. Yet you two wouldn't notice. Not if an apocalypse surrounded you, you wouldn't care. His heart is yours.” Christine stops, looking at Michael. “I bet he's wondering where you are right now. He's worried about you Michael. I think you should go find him.”  
“You do?”  
“Yes! And tell him everything's okay. Hold his hand, give him a reason to get close to you. Wrap your arms around his waist and pull him close to your chest so he can hear your heart beat. Kiss his forehead lightly and feel his heart skip a beat when he feels you smile against the kiss. Gaze into his eyes and let him look deeply into yours so he can fall in love all over again. I know you two aren't gushy romantics but you're made for each other! When Jeremy's drunk he spills thing, when he's high he spills, and when he's just kissed you? There's a glow to him. Now go find him.”   
“Okay!” Michael jumps up. “Thanks Christine.”  
“It's really no problem! I love being there for friends!”  
“No really,” Michael turns to look at Christine, “thank you. You have no idea what that means to me.”   
“Thank me later if you really want to. Go find your boyfriend and be honest with him.” 

Michael nods and runs out of the room and down the hall. It's a free period and he knows where Jeremy is. The other side of the school. He keeps running. If everything Christine just said is true? Michael wants to go make Jeremy happy. 

“Jeremy!” Michael exclaims grabbing his hand. “You…you…”  
“Michael are you all right?” Jeremy says looking into the tear stained glasses. 

Michael feels tears choke him again as he remembers what Christine told him. He wraps his arms around Jeremy's waist and kisses his forehead. He smiles against the kiss. He feels Jeremy's heart skip a beat. Jeremy loves it.

“I love you, Jeremy.”

Jeremy pries himself away from Michael's chest and looks up at him. They've never said this to each other before. Jeremy always knew he was in love with Michael, but never had the guts to say anything. 

“I love you too, Michael.” Jeremy goes on his tip toes and kisses Michael's lips. “Why were you crying?”   
“You got time to talk?”   
“I've always got time for you.” 

Jeremy sits down on a table. The boys are in the courtyard. Jeremy takes Michael's hands in his and feels his heartbeat. It's in his ears and blush creeps in. 

“Sometimes I get worried I'm not good enough for you. One day I fear that you'll realize that and I'll be left for nothing. That…that you don't really love me. That you deserve better! You deserve the best and I'm just not the best.”  
“Michael you're the best. You're absolutely perfect! At least you are in my eyes, maybe not in yours. Michael I-”  
“I'm not finished.”   
“What?”  
“So I was crying in a bathroom. I calmed down and came out. I ran into Christine who questioned me and…then she made me cry.”  
“How so?” Jeremy asks getting protective.  
“She told me…how you talk about me. How you feel about me, how you…” Michael pauses as Jeremy moves one of his hands to Michael's thighs. “She says you love me and…and you talk about me Jer?” 

Michael looks down at the hand that's on his thigh. It's soothing. It reminds Michael of the words Christine had said only a few moments ago. He smiles.

“Of course I talk about you, you're my everything.” Jeremy notices Michael's stare. “Are you not comfortable with this?”   
“Yes, I'm comfortable. I actually really love it. I just…Christine said so many great things.” Michael looks back up at Jeremy. “That I'm the most beautiful thing you've ever seen?”  
“Yeah…yeah, I've said that.”   
“Have you ever looked in the mirror?”  
“Mikey..”

Jeremy pauses feeling a blush rush through his entire body. His hand is stroking Michael's thigh now. He looks up at Michael and kisses him on the lips. 

“This is what's been going on with you? You doubt yourself?” Jeremy sighs. “Mikey, you don't have a reason to doubt yourself. I'm not sure what Christine said but I'm sure it's true. I pour my heart out about you when she's around. Well. Really when anyone asks about you.”  
“Jeremy I-”  
“Ah, it is my turn to talk handsome.” 

Michael feels his heart melt when Jeremy puts his finger to Michael's lips to shut him up. Jeremy slides himself into Michael's lap and puts his hands on Michael's chest. Michael knows Jeremy can feel his heartbeat through his sweatshirt. 

“You know I doubt myself and get self conscious. I open up to you Michael. Just open up to me, all right? I don't care what's going on with me. I don't care if I'm at a party and you call me or if I'm bleeding myself out you tell me you are scared! You tell me you're scared you're not enough. I will remind you are, and that you're perfect for me. Everyone looks for that missing puzzle piece and thinks it's a group of people but it's not! It's a person. You are my missing puzzle piece! You are my soulmate. I love you.”   
“Say that again.”  
“What?”  
“Say it again.” Michael looks into Jeremy's ocean eyes.   
“I love you”

It's rolls of off Jeremy's tongue so naturally. Like it's something he's been born to say to Michael. It comes out low and soft. Michael feels his heart skip a beat while he looks into the blue galaxies of Jeremy's eyes. 

“I love you too.”

It comes out of Michael in a soothing low tone and it melts Jeremy's heart. Jeremy swings his legs around Michael and fists the back of his sweatshirt. He brings Michael into a tender kiss and every time he feels his lips slip he kisses again and again.

“Don't you ever doubt yourself again.” Jeremy says pulling away from the kissing with tears in his eyes. “If you do you come right to me, okay? Cause you're perfect.”  
“Jeremy I'm not-”  
“You're perfect to me.”  
“You're perfection. You're everything, and I don't want to lose you or anything I-”  
“You will never lose me, I promise. We can't both be crying, now can we?”

Jeremy wipes away Michael's tears and Michael wipes away Jeremy's. The moment is perfect as the final bell rings releasing them from school. 

“Lets go home Mikey. We can talk more there?”   
“Sounds good.” Michael smiles at Jeremy. 

The boys walk out of school hand in hand. The boys have a long life to live together and Michael doesn't repress his insecurities, but he does know who to go to for relationship advice.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed! Loving writing for you guys. I have some special stuff in the works. If you guys want something to read in the meantime? GO READ "In His Eyes".


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